Suffering: Christ’s Cross is hard
The weekend right after our last week of classes for the year, I got a real nasty flu. I think the ol’ battery just ran out of juice, simple as that. Seminary life isn’t always easy, because a lot is happening to you. Not only the many classes we are taking this year (15!), but there are also all the other things that you feel are important. Mainly, we all want to be men of God, and we try to choose the paths in our lives that will enable us to become just that. It’s something that is constantly on your mind, and it is one of the things that makes seminary life the biggest adventure of my life, but also the most demanding period. Point is, the days I spent sick at bed really taught me something.
It were quite a few tough days where I really was in terrible pain and completely exhausted because I couldn’t really sleep because of it. One of my favorite books to read is Lettersof St. Therese of Lisieux. If you haven’t read it, it is beyond good and will definitely help your spiritual life. In one of her last letters that she writes to a seminarian she is in touch with, she gives him the crucifix that hung in her room, and which she held later on during her time of illness. What a relic! I felt a little jealous when I read it, to be honest… apparently she had clutched that cross for weeks and kissed it so many times…!
Well, in my room I have a little crucifix as well. I got it from the Brothers of St. John where I spent two years before going ot seminary. It’s always been in my bedroom, and I figured I should hold onto the cross in my pain. Well, my friends, what I want to share with you is this: Christ’s cross is not a teddy bear. It’s wood, it’s square and it’s hard and it is not comfortable to hold at all! Again the physical we encounter in our lives is a perfect symbol for the spiritual we experience.
This whole experience did bring me a whole lot closer to Christ. I had to hang onto Him, because there really isn’t that much else to hang onto in our lives. Everything changes, everything fades, except for His Love. I felt so terrible I could barely move, but decided to get up and call the rector to ask him to bring me Holy Communion. I think I cried for like half an hour until the rector showed up. When we celebrated the small liturgy surrounding the distribution of the Holy Communion outside of Mass, I think I felt as close to Christ as I had for months, or maybe even years. I think this was Christ’s crash course to prepare me for the holidays!
Share Your Thoughts
Leave a comment to contribute to the discussion
To let us see what you look like, get a gravatar.