Life at the Seminary

Yes… this caught me off guard. Two weeks ago the weather was pretty much like we’re used to it back home. A few warmer days, 15 degrees… and then, bam, suddenly we find ourselves in the midst of a snowy Edmonton! I have been told by the Edmontonians that this isn’t normal for them either. Winnipeg suffered from a real snow storm today. As for me, I have been enjoying the view out of my window today. There isn’t much to see except for some trees. But it just seemed like the Big Guy had turned around the snowglobe and all the snow flakes came down… such a pretty sight!

 In other news, several midterms are coming up, the first coming Thursday. Midterms are good. They cut the amount you have to study for in half pretty much. It also means that we are mid – term. In less than two months, the semester will be done and over with. A weird idea if you ask me.

Dear friends,

As I am writing, we are in the midst of a several day International Harp Contest taking place in Tel Aviv, Israel. This contest is one of the most prestigious in the world, if not the most prestigious. Contestants come from all over the world This year we have two Dutch entries (Remy van Kesteren and Marianne Smit) and one Canadian (Valérie Milot). My friend -and previous winner of the Tel Aviv contest- Gwyneth Wentink will also be playing as one of the gala guests. Enough exciting things to make me wish I could be in Israel right now!That said, I am eagerly looking for a harp for myself to play in Canada. It was a little too expensive to bring my own beautiful orchestra harp all the way from the Netherlands, so I am looking for a generous person here in Canada that would be able to lend me one for this year. I have tried all sorts of ways to find someone that might have a harp they are not using at the moment, but no luck so far. And if you don’t have one, please join me in praying to God to ask Him to provide for one!!

If you want to enjoy the harp and the atmosphere at the Tel Aviv contest for yourself, take a look at the beautiful clip. Gwyneth is also interviewed for a few seconds Enjoy!

Apart from “Life at the Seminary” posts, you might also find some more personal posts here on my blog, in which I express some personal thoughts on life in our Church or even life in general. Today, I’d like to make a small post on ‘pro life’. What we mean with pro life is that we don’t kill off our children because they come at inopportune times in our life or our elderly, because they feel they have become nothing but a burden (ie. what we call abortion or euthanasia).

Some of you might have followed the death and funeral of Mr. Ted Kennedy, a pro-abortion ‘catholic’ U.S. Senator. What does being a Catholic really mean anymore? Are we glad just to have a politician call himself that, or do we expect him to actually stand up for the tens of thousands of children that are being murdered each year? Can we be Catholic if all we do is work on social justice?

I heard of the death of Mr. Robert Schindler, Sr., last month, one of the leaders of the pro-life movement. He was buried in Philadelphia without the fanfare or accolades, without the cable news networks broadcast, no cardinals did attend it, and the President of the United States did not deliver the eulogy – thank God. Mr. Schindler, however, is promised a better send-off than that. God Himself will him speak to him words spoken to all the suffering righteous: “Well done, good and faithful servant. Enter into the joy of your Master.”

Bob Schindler, unlike Mr. Kennedy, was not rich, did not enjoy the high social status and was ravaged by aggressive euthanasia activist lawyers who decided that his daughter was just not worthy of life because she was brain-damaged. He had to fight the son-in-law who, despite a father’s unconditional offer to care for his own daughter, rammed the euthanasia agenda home viciously, even triumphantly. I cannot begin to imagine the pain in his life.

In Canada, the battle against euthenasiais raging on as we speak. Parliament is about to vote on a law that might make the killing of the sick and elderly in our community a very real possiblity.  My bishop, His Grace, Mgr. James Weisgerber, has courageously sent out a message to all people of good will, in order to enlist your support (politically if you are in Canada, in prayer if you are anywhere else in the world) against this evil.

Why do people not have the right to end their own lives? In our society, we have lost the basic certainty in our hearts that every human being is 100% loved and wanted by God. Even if you don’t believe in God, many of you will agree that every human being is worthwhile. Jesus never asked whether someone was a sinner or a saint, wealthy or poor, healthy or ill, alive or dead. He came for everyone. We are all worth his life, EVERYTHING, in his eyes. For us, today, as disciples of Jesus (however weak and limited we may be), our duty is to be there for everyone. Many elderly or severely ill feel they are just a burden to their families and friends, reasoning: ‘why should they come out here for a pathetic excuse of a human being like myself? I cannot do anything here in this bed, and now I am just a burden to them as well.’ Their spiritual death is already a reality to themselves. So they reason: ‘why not actually die, instead of prolong the suffering for myself and especially others?’

If we could only reach out to all these souls, and let them experience how worthwhile they are, despite their condition, no one would have to think about euthanasia ever again. Maybe we can ask Bob Schindler, now in heaven with God, to intercede for us. I ask all of you to join me and countless Catholics across Canada to pray that the euthanasia bill does not pass!

Dear friends,

it’s more or less a public secret that I had plans to go to Canada this coming academic year. I say, public secret, because I answered the ones that asked me about it truthfully, but I since things weren’t certain for a long time, I tried not to volunteer too much information to too many people.

In this post I’d like to give everyone a little background on my decision. In 2002-2003, while I was still a student of Communication Science, I spent half a year in Winnipeg, working on a Christian Communication Institute. I had a wonderful time there. Ever since those months there, I have wondered whether or not I should return. Before I began at the seminary in Den Bosch, in 2006, I had had several intense conversations with the vocations director for the Archdiocese of Winnipeg.

As the step of telling my mother of my desire to become a priest was already great enough, without the added burden of me going abroad, and because I was still very much investigating my own vocation, I decided to begin in the Netherlands, in what I judged to be the most sound and promising diocese of the country. I openly discussed this with my bishop, Mgr. Hurkmans, before I began my first year at my current seminary. He encouraged me to investigate my vocation in the first years of my stay there.

This I have tried to do to the best of my limited abilities. Those that have been following this blog for a while, know that I spent two months in Winnipeg and Camperville last summer as an intern. The past year, I have been working with my spiritual director to come to a decision. To be frank, the only thing I know is that if I do not go to Canada now, I might really regret it later on. I think God might have sent me there all those years ago for a reason. Now that I am still relatively young and have finished my philosophy degree, I feel the time is right to make this step.

I feel humbled by the fact that the Archdiocese of Winnipeg has agreed to sponsor my study of theology at St. Joseph’s Seminary in Edmonton, Alberta. There I will have the pleasure of studying at Newman Theological College. All the while, I will continue my discernment over there. I can pray all I like while I’m here in the Netherlands, but I will probably never come to a decision if I have never seriously spent time in Canada.

This is a big step — well, obviously! — for me. I am leaving everything behind, most notably the people that I love. These include my family members, my brother seminarians, the priests in our diocese that I have gotten to know so well, my teachers, my friends, the brothers and sisters of St. John, fellow harpists and my students. I will miss all of you so very much. At the same time, I can only feel joy as I look ahead, because of the great challenge that awaits me: to try and give myself completely to the Lord. I ask you urgently to continue to pray for me  the coming year. Chances are, you will be in my prayers, too!

I have all but cleaned out my rooms at the seminary, and August 18 I am flying to Winnipeg, before beginning the new academic year on August 26. My blog will of course continue: I will continue to speak of my life at the seminary. May God bless you each and everyone!

“Dieu premier servi”       - Ste. Jeanne d’Arc

Since the start of this website, over a year ago, I meant to dedicate a part of it to my patron Saint, Joan of Arc. She’s been my guardian angel, in my life, towards my Christian life, and now towards my life as a priest. I love her so much, and I never hesitate to tell anyone about her, should you ask! This means that if you ever ask me, you might be stuck with me for the rest of the night. Or several nights

In any case, some of you have noticed a change in the Joan of Arc pages over the last couple of weeks. Around twenty visitors a day come here looking for more information about Joan of Arc. That is why I have worked hard these last few weeks to prepare several galleries of some of the images that I have collected over the years, to make them available to you with accurate references, as well as a detailed (although not overly extensive) overview of her life.

The first few pages have already been done, and the others will be finished shortly. I encourage anyone that is a bit curious about Joan to learn more about her. It has changed my life, and God willing, it might change yours! God bless, everybody!

There are few people as unique as Jewel. I’ve been a big fan for almost 15 years now. If you know her story, the things she went through to get where she is now, it’s really amazing. She has a really great character, and she is very creative. People around her keep finding lyrics written on just about everything. Pieces of paper, beer coasters, bags, even hotel sheets!

Jewel just posted this beautiful song on her blog the other day, and I thought I’d put it up here so all of my lucky visitors can watch it as well. It’s really about being stuck in a fight with someone (Jewel explains it herself at the start of the clip) and how you can get beyond that point:

“Sometimes getting over it doesn’t mean working things through
Sometimes it’s just deciding that you want to
by remembering why I love you.”

Isn’t that so true, though? That often we just need to take a step back and realize the other person really means something to us. When you put things in the perspective of love, everything seems puny, small, unimportant.

Anyway, enjoy the song. I am just so in love with that voice!!!

Well, it’s that time of year again! This week and the next I’m struggling to pass several exams. Once that is over, I have finished my three years of philosophy at the seminary and the holidays can begin! I can barely think about what that will be like….

In the interest of occupying oneself when one is not studying, I decided to get behind my harp and tape a few songs I have been working on of late for the ordination of a friend of mine. He asked that I play at his feast afterwards, and I might as well share a bit of my passion for this beautiful interest with all of you.

Below, you can watch a video (sorry for the terrible recording quality of the sound) where I play a prelude of George Friedrich Handel. Handel lived around 1700 and, along with Bach, can be seen as the most influential and accomplished composer of his age.

I really hope you enjoy this one… it’s really become one of my favorites!

There are posts that should be on this blog, but that are just circling around in my head. They have been for quite some time. Is that healthy, I wonder? As promised, I am going to put a few more things online over the next week or two, including some personal items such as this post.

I don’t think that there are many people that would argue that music touches the human soul. I find that getting to know real musicians, who live for their instrument and for music in general, are not unlike priests. Often these people have given their lives, dedicated themselves to being able to play their instruments, to produce something that is untouchable but that has an impact in people’s lives. Before they made the choice to do this, they knew that they would not make a lot of money (most of the time), that their job would require a lot from them and that they would do this for the rest of their lives…

As a ‘new media enthusiast’ and ‘communication expert’, I continue to be amazed by the power of the Internet. A place like Youtube, for instance, attracts such a varied crowd. It has its ups and downs, but did you know that Youtube had its own orchestra, the YouTube Symphony Orchestra (YTSO)? Incredible! These are professional artists who auditioned online by sending in videos in which they played the music for their instrument. And those that were selected really got together in London’s Carnegie Hall last month to perform! I would have given a lot to be able to be there, but alas… I had to watch it over the Internet :/

In this post I would like to introduce you to my favorite piece, composed especially for the YTSO by Tan Dun. Tan Dun is a Chinese composer who has written music for some of my favorite movies, such as Hero and Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon. In the video below he is directing his own symphony Eroica with the YTSO. Why don’t you listen to it as you read along? It’s the rehearsel for the performance (you can also check out the actual peformance, but I find this more personal and interesting!)

Tan Dun conceived the music for this Internet Symphony during the Olympics in China. He was passing by a garage where he heard the break drums making a beautiful sound. It’s C – A, C-E, which you hear clearly at the start of the symphony. You even see the car parts that they’re playing on. I find it really refreshing: just a sound on the street as the basis for the symphony. It represents the ’spirit of today’.  The melody part which really takes you out above the music are based on the same chords and the theme goes back on Beethoven.

In an interview he says about the project: “Think about it this way: anything could be the way, your language to talk to the people.” And this way the Internet forms a wonderful platform in which we can all participate. The technique is not important, everyone can just share their language of the heart, and if anything, Eroica, I find, is exactly that.

Not only does the YTSO show the diversity of classical music, but above all the passion that people from all around the world have for music and how – when brought together – symbolize more than an individual playing an instrument. This is true, in a sense, for all orchestra’s or even avant garde ensembles, but the great variety of cultures and people and the way they relate to the world and communicate with it, makes this a truly unique experience.

I would like to add – with some pride – that three out of the 96 participants selected for the orchestra are from Holland. Among them is Regina Ederveen, the harpist! It stresses Holland’s unique position in the harp world today, because here in this little country the level of technique in playing the harp has increased dramatically. Regina is a very enthusiastic and able harpist, who does a great job here! There are some interviews with her on Youtube, if you speak Dutch well enough

Going to confession is one of the things that is part of the weekly routine for a seminarian. And even those that do not go once a week, yours truly included, try to go on a regular basis. Especially in lent period and even more so during Holy Week, all Catholics are encouraged to receive this sacrament, about which I spoke in my previous post. In this article, I’d like to help those of you who are thinking about and preparing for confession, by delving deeper into what the sacrament is, and why it’s there.

What is a confession?

A confession is first and foremost a sacrament. And, I hear you ask: what, then, is a sacrament? A sacrament is something concrete, something you can touch, which is a symbol for a spiritual dimension, that is actually happening. So, in sacraments we see something concrete (like bread and wine in the Eucharist), but these concrete things are only there to represent to us a spiritual dimension (Christ’s body and blood).

To understand what a sacrament is, it is important to understand the nature a symbol. Whereas traffic signs, for instance, also represent something, we could change their meaning if we wanted to. They are no symbols in the true sense of the word. The meaning of a symbol is closely connected with the symbol itself, that it exists in this symbol. Such as the dove with a lil branch in her beak representing peace. It’s pretty hard to swap the dove with something else, like a bat, or a crow. Or the heart-symbol, representing love. Or the wedding ring, symbolizing faithfulness. No one could claim the wedding ring would refer to something like fighting dogs. It’s impossible. Symbols truly represent something, which we can’t show in a different way. Through symbols, we are really in touch with their meaning. Like your name is not just a way to identify you, it is something truly personal. Symbols allow us to reach to the depths of the mystery of things.

Confession is such a sacrament, such a symbol. As you confess your sins to a priest, the priest, through his words and the movements of his hands as he stretches them out over your head and makes the sign of the cross, refers to a spiritual dimension. In confession, we can experience that God’s first movement is compassion. 

What is a sin?

A sin is basically saying ‘no’ to God. We can’t just make up our own mind. I know this is a tough one, especially in our culture today and -believe you me- especially in the Netherlands. Let’s take a look at the beginning of chapter 3 of Genesis in the Bible:

1 Now, the snake was the most subtle of all the wild animals that the Lord God had made. It asked the woman, ‘Did God really say you were not to eat from any of the trees in the garden?’ 
2 The woman answered the snake, ‘We may eat the fruit of the trees in the garden. 
3 But of the fruit of the tree in the middle of the garden God said, “You must not eat it, nor touch it, under pain of death.” ‘ 
4 Then the snake said to the woman, ‘No! You will not die! 
5 God knows in fact that the day you eat it your eyes will be opened and you will be like gods, knowing good from evil.’ 

In verse 3, we see that Eve had what we call full knowledge. A serious sin (mortal sin) is a sin that we must confess, and for a sin to be that serious, we must have full knowledge that it is wrong. Now note that in verse 4 the devil says something like ‘Did God really say that?’ This is the first thing the devil always does: he instills doubt. The second thing the devil does, is that he tells Eve a big lie ‘No, you will not die!’ (even though God said they would…). This is why the devil is called the Father of Lies.

The original sin is that I become God and I determine what is right and wrong. And this goes for all our sins. If I think it is okay to miss Mass on Sunday, it is, because I am God. I determine that. If I think it is okay to have sex before marriage, it is, because I am in love. If I think it is okay to commit adultery, it is, because God understands Me and God loves Me, and I don’t think it’s wrong. If you think like this, pay close attention… God doesn’t ask you, He doesn’t ask me! It is not our job to say what is right or wrong! It is the devil who does that – take a look at verse 5! This is the original sin: “I don’t think it is wrong”. It doesn’t matter. God said it is. Now let’s read on…

6 The woman saw that the tree was good to eat and pleasing to the eye, and that it was enticing for the wisdom that it could give. So she took some of its fruit and ate it. She also gave some to her husband who was with her, and he ate it. 
7 Then the eyes of both of them were opened and they realised that they were naked. So they sewed fig-leaves together to make themselves loin-cloths. 

As you can see in verse 6, we learn something more about sin. It is ‘good’ [to eat], ‘pleasing’ [to the eye] and enticing [for the wisdom]. So, get this, in every sin there is something that appears to us as good, pleasing, enticing. Yet in sin, we miss the mark. Eating is good. In fact, we have to eat. But gluttony is not, because we overindulge. We eat way more than is appropriate. The same for instance with sex. There is nothing wrong with it, but if I am doing it outside God’s will, I am using something He created to do good, in a way /I/ think it is best. So sin always has something desirable to us. But when we do it outside God’s law, it loses its goodness.

So sin is not hurting other people! I meet lotsa folks who, when I talk about this, say ‘but I live a good life, I don’t hurt others…’ That is not what sin is about! The only thing that is wrong with it is that God said no. The tree wasn’t poisonous, nor bad. But God said no. And Eve said yes. So please keep in mind ‘the center of sin is I’. As long as there is still ‘I’, there is still sin.

Our relationship with Christ

When you go to confession, and while preparing for it, it is important to realize you are not just summing up a list of sins you committed. It’s not a law you broke, but it is a relationship that you hurt. Just like a husband who committed adultery cannot say to his wife ‘Hon, don’t worry about it, this is not about you but about me’, you can’t sin without it affecting your relationship with God.

If we could be saved by doing good works, or just praying a lot,  there was no need for Jesus to become man, to suffer and die on the Cross. If we could earn our way into heaven, then Jesus died for no purpose. Jesus paid the penalty for our sin. This means He is our only way into heaven. Our fate depends on Him. We are in a relationship with Him, with a person, not with a law.

So when I sin, I don’t just sin because I break a law, but because I am breaking away from my oneness with Jesus. Every time I sin, I am choosing something else than Jesus.In Confession, Christ’s sacrifice is renewed in my heart and the oneness, which I  hurt through sinning, is restored.  None of us would, for instance, spit in our friends’ faces, but imagine each sin you commit is doing exactly that to Jesus. When I go to confession, it is not just a list of sins, but is truly being sorry to a friend for hurting Him.

Jesus has a right to the first place in our lives, because He bought us. And at what a price…

Why can Catholic priests hear confession?

I remember going with a monk to a mosque once. Among many other enriching experiences that day, one of the most memorable was this young man who came to visit his father there during his lunch break. When he saw Fr. Eliah, he introduced himself and the first question he asked was ‘How come you can forgive sins?’ I was astonished when I thought back about this. I had never seen anyone else come up to a priest and ask him that question. I realized that the young muslim went straight to the point. He was asking one of the most important things in our faith, right in front of my nose!

One text that is often cited in this case, is Matthew 16.

18 So I [Jesus] now say to you: You are Peter and on this rock I will build my church. And the gates of the underworld can never overpower it. 
19 I will give you the keys of the kingdom of Heaven: whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven; whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven.’ 

Note that in verse 18, Jesus tells Peter that He will build His Church. Not His flower arrangement committee. His Church. Then in verse 19, Jesus gives Peter the keys to the kingdom of Heaven. If I would give one of my brothers the key to my room here at the seminary, he would have the power to let folks into room. It is my room, but I gave him the power. And Jesus says: whoever you let in, I’ll let in. And whoever you leave out, I’ll leave out. That’s pretty strong. Why did He do it? I have no clue! But this is the first aspect of why priests can hear confession.

The second Bible text which is important when it comes to confession is John 20.

22 After saying this He [Jesus] breathed on them and said: Receive the Holy Spirit. 
23 If you forgive anyone’s sins, they are forgiven; if you retain anyone’s sins, they are retained. 

Jesus gave the power to forgive sins to his priests. When you go to confession, you will hear a priest say: “God the Father of mercy, through the death and resurrection of His Son, has sent the Holy Spirit among us for the forgiveness of our sins. Through the ministry of His Church may God grand you pardon and peace, and now I absolve you of all your sins in the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. Amen.”

It is the priest in the instrumentality of God who forgives you your sins. Confession is the ordinary means of forgiveness. Can God cure and heal people outside confession? I am sure of it! But we have to look at sin as a cancer. Can God cure you from cancer? Yes, He can. And He has miraculously cured many who placed their trust in Him. However, most of the time, He uses doctors and surgeons to cure people. He works through these people. The same goes for the priest.

A last text I would like to quote is the beautiful story in Mark 2, where a couple of friends bring a paralytic to Jesus.

5 Seeing their faith, Jesus said to the paralytic, ‘My child, your sins are forgiven.’ 
6 Now some scribes were sitting there, and they thought to themselves, 
7 ‘How can this man talk like that? He is being blasphemous. Who but God can forgive sins?’ 
8 And at once, Jesus, inwardly aware that this is what they were thinking, said to them, ‘Why do you have these thoughts in your hearts? 
9 Which of these is easier: to say to the paralytic, “Your sins are forgiven” or to say, “Get up, pick up your stretcher and walk”? 
10 But to prove to you that the Son of man has authority to forgive sins on earth’ – 
11 he said to the paralytic-’I order you: get up, pick up your stretcher, and go off home.’ 
12 And the man got up, and at once picked up his stretcher and walked out in front of everyone, so that they were all astonished and praised God saying, ‘We have never seen anything like this.’

Notice  in this passage verse 10: the Son of man has the authority to forgive sins on earth. We have already seen that Jesus gave the power to forgive sins to his apostles, who have in turn ordained new bishops and priests, to forgive sins. But here we see that the forgiving on our sins doesn’t just take place in heaven, but even Jesus himself already and in this concrete case forgives sins here on earth. And He can.

Become Free!

Now, the last thing I’d like to impart is that you may be ashamed of your sins. If you go back to the story of Adam and Eve in Genesis 3, you see what their reaction is to the sin they commited: they were ashamed. It is a natural feeling. It can feel terrible to confess your sins to another human being, but think of it this way: God is there, acting through the priest. You are going to see Him. And one day, you must go and see Him anyway, whether you want to or not…

That priest probably heard way worse than what you tell him. What’s more, He is a sinner, too. Every day, I realize more and more how my words and actions kill my relationship with God an others, and for a seminarian it is not easier than for anyone else to live a holy life. Believe you me So you are talking to a sinner when you are talking to a priest. Don’t worry about your sins. But go and let him set you free!

If you are still in doubt, let me finish by quoting Luke 15 where Jesus tells us the parable of the prodigal son.  He took half of his father’s money with him, wasted it on what-have-yous, and then had to work a dirty job no one else wanted to keep himself alive. He reasons by himself:

18 I will leave this place and go to my father and say: Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you; 
19 I no longer deserve to be called your son; treat me as one of your hired men.” 
20 So he left the place and went back to his father. ‘While he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was moved with pity. He ran to the boy, clasped him in his arms and kissed him. 

Now, note his father was already waiting for him. Don’t think he was gone for a day or two. He must have been gone for years. But the father was still waiting for him. What’s more, he ran towards his son and before the son could even say anything, the father has already kissed him. Now, Jesus logic isn’t our logic. Don’t be embarassed to go… He wants to set you free. Celebrate this sacrament of Reconciliation and it will become a true gift of God! Blessed Easter, everyone!

Hello readers,

It’s been a while since my last update, as there isn’t a lot to tell except that the exams are upon us again. Twice a year, the atmosphere in the seminary changes. The increased tension can lead to some hilarious moments, and as this week was only the ’study week’ before our two exam weeks, everyone is still ‘cool’. Thursday is our recreational evening, where we all come together to drink a beer or two and catch up, and I think we haven’t laughed as much together in months. Everyone seems to be able to remember something funny of the last year (or even longer ago). It’s a nice way to deal with the anticipation.

As for me, I think I have about 14 exams, of which I have finished two already. So, twelve more in the two weeks ahead. If there are folks praying out there for me, now is the time